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  Then I had a bad idea. I walked back to the kitchen and asked Aunt Mei-Mei, “Did you or Uncle Chin have any money lying around?”

  “You think Jimmy stole?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I think we should look.”

  She got up and walked over to the counter, where a cookie jar in the shape of a grinning hula girl sat. I remembered that jar from my childhood. Uncle Chin used to empty his pocket change into it, and then when we kids would come over he’d fish around in there for the shiniest quarters to give us.

  With her tiny, delicate hands, Aunt Mei-Mei lifted the hula girl’s torso. “I not sure how much money here,” she said. She tilted the jar enough for me to see there was still a pile of change inside, even a couple of dollar bills wadded up. She put the girl’s torso back on her body. “Come, we look jewelry too.”

  She led me down the hall to their bedroom, and opened the drawers of an elaborate mahogany jewelry chest that sat on the lacquered bureau. Every drawer was filled almost to overflowing with rings, bracelets and chains. “Look like all here.” Aunt Mei-Mei sat on the bed and started to cry.

  “I’m sorry, Aunt Mei-Mei,” I said. “I had to ask.”

  “He such nice boy. He so nice Uncle Chin.” I sat next to her and took her hand. “What I do now?” she asked. “This morning, I wife. I have boy take care of, too. Not my son, my Robert, but nice boy, need home, somebody take care of him. Now what I have? What I do?”

  I squeezed her hand, and put my other arm around her. Aunt Mei-Mei leaned against me, crying softly. After a while, when she felt better, we went back to the kitchen to wait. I remembered stories about Uncle Chin and told them, and we both laughed, and eventually one of Doc Takayama’s assistants arrived. He and I did a quick survey of the room and he directed his techs to remove Uncle Chin’s body. Aunt Mei-Mei cried again as they carried the stretcher out, the sheet pulled up over his face, and I held onto her and stood by her side and tried to pretend I was just a cop.

  My mother had been busy on the phone, and soon after the coroner left, Haoa and Tatiana showed up, followed quickly by Lui and Liliha.

  We greeted each other somberly, everyone focusing on Aunt Mei-Mei, and Liliha and I studiously avoided each other.

  After a few minutes, Haoa pulled Lui and me to the kitchen, leaving Liliha, Tatiana and Aunt Mei-Mei in the living room. “So has anybody told Dad about Uncle Chin yet?” he asked.

  “No,” Lui said. “I don’t think we should.”

  “I think we ought to tell him, but we ought to wait a couple of days,” Haoa said. “See if he starts to get his strength back.”

  I said, “I disagree. I think we ought to tell him. I’d certainly want to know.”

  “Not everybody is as strong as you are, Kimo,” Lui said.

  “He’s our father. I think he’s plenty strong.”

  “Lui’s right,” Haoa said. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. “You looked at Dad lately? It’s like he’s fading away. None of us are as strong as you are. Maybe we ought to wait a day or two, see how he feels.”

  I looked at my big brothers. I’d always felt the weakest of the three of us, the youngest, the one they picked on. Even as adults, sometimes they ganged up against me and I bowed to their will. “You really think I’m stronger than he is, or than either of you?”

  They shared a glance. “Of course,” Lui said. “Look at everything you’ve gone through.”

  I was surprised, but I plowed on. “You guys remember all the stories Dad told? About when he was building his first house, and working nights for other contractors to make money, and then weekends doing jobs he couldn’t afford to hire anybody for? I mean, imagine how scary that must be. You’ve got a wife and three kids, and you’ve staked everything you have to this one project. Think of the pressure.”

  “But he’s old now,” Haoa said. “Weaker. Maybe he can’t take as much.”

  “That’s what he’s got three big sons for,” I said. “I’m going to tell him. You guys want to be there?”

  I think it was the first time I’d defied them on something to do with the family. They looked at each other, and then at me. “All right,” Lui said. “You tell him. We’ll be your backup.”

  I remembered how they had stood behind me when I came out, when I had to put myself in danger in order to solve the crime that had dragged me out of the closet, and in order to regain some self-respect. I couldn’t ask for more from them.

  We were just considering how to get over to our parents’ house when Tatiana called, “Howie, your folks are here.”

  When we got to the front door, we saw my mother helping my father walk up the front walk. He’d refused to use the walker, and was moving slowly, my diminutive mother buoying him up. For a minute I doubted my resolve. This wasn’t the big, strong father I’d always known and loved. This old man looked weak and tired.

  Haoa and I got on each side of him and guided him up into the house, and into a big easy chair in the living room. I looked in his eyes then, and somewhere in there was the old Dad I’d known. I knew then we had to carry through with our plan. “We have some bad news for you, Dad,” I said, kneeling down next to him. “Uncle Chin died this afternoon.”

  “I know.” We all looked at our mother, but she shook her head. “Nobody told me. Somehow I just knew.” He smiled. “You know Chin and I always had a kind of connection to each other. This afternoon, I felt like the connection was gone. I made your mother bring me over here to see for myself.” He reached out and took my hand. “I’m glad you boys told me. I appreciate it.”

  Uncle Chin’s widow sat across from us on the sofa, and though she was still crying a little, my mother sat next to her holding her hand. She didn’t have a family of her own any more, but she had us.

  “We have a lot to do,” my father said. “Mei-Mei will need our help.”

  I looked at my father and my brothers. If they thought I was strong, maybe I was. I knew where it came from.

  A SHOT IN THE PARK

  I looked at my watch, and realized that I’d promised to go to the Marriage Project rally at Waikiki Gateway Park that evening. I huddled with my brothers, and they agreed that I should go, that they’d keep things together between our parents and Aunt Mei-Mei.

  By the time I arrived, there were already a hundred or more people milling around, most of them wearing pink triangles or rainbow patches or some other outward sign of gay solidarity. I felt uncomfortable moving through them, knowing that many of them knew exactly who I was. People kept slapping me on the back, and I tried not to wince at the aggravation to my healing burns.

  Guys even came up and kissed me. It was very strange, like I was wearing some big sign that said, “Hi, I’m The Gay Cop.”

  It was hot but not humid, and that deep in the heart of Waikiki there was no ocean breeze to relieve us. I was surrounded by guys in muscle tops and tight shorts, women in bikini bras and compression shorts. A few flat-bottomed cumulous clouds drifted above us, and the sun was beginning to set over the ocean.

  As I made my way up toward a makeshift stage that had been set up at one end of the park, I saw Kitty, who waved at me and came over. I wondered if she’d gotten her taste for polo shirts from her stepfather. This one was white, and she was wearing green UH sweat pants and her collection of bangle bracelets.

  “I’m glad I ran into you, Kimo. That woman we met at church, Fran Harding? She called me this afternoon. They’re going on a picnic Thursday afternoon, out in the mountains. Eli’s family has a cabin out on Wa’ahila Ridge.”

  “I grew up near there. It’s nice country. What did you tell her?”

  “I said you were working, but I didn’t have class, so I’d go with them. Is that okay?”

  I frowned. “I’d feel a lot better if you told your dad. You haven’t told him yet that we went to the church, have you?”

  She shook her head. “You know how he is. Too protective.”

  “Yeah, but he’s my boss, Kitty.
If he finds out I’ve been sneaking you out to play detective he’s going to kill me.”

  She smiled. “I have him wrapped around my little finger. After all, I’m his little kitten.”

  “Is that his nickname for you?”

  She shook her head. “When I was born, and the midwife showed me to my mom, I was all curled up like a kitten. That’s actually the name on my birth certificate, Kitten. I mean, like, is my mom a hippie or what? My dad’s last name is Cardozo, and he’s supposedly descended from the Supreme Court justice. But he and my mom didn’t stay together for long, so I don’t know for sure.”

  “How many times has your mom been married?”

  She started counting, then jumped from one hand to the next. “Six times, I think. There was a guy she met in Vegas and married, but they got divorced when their hangovers wore off, so I don’t count him. She says she likes getting married, she just doesn’t like having a husband.”

  “Going back to the picnic,” I said. “Maybe you ought to cancel. We don’t know anything about these people, and I don’t like the idea of them dragging you out into the countryside.”

  “I have a brown belt in karate and a cell phone,” Kitty said. “I can take care of myself.”

  “I still don’t like it.” I thought for a minute. I hated to do it, but I felt responsible for Kitty. “If you don’t tell your dad, then I will. If he says it’s okay, then it’s fine by me. But you know what he’s going to say.”

  She shook her fist at me, and the bracelets rattled. “Those are beautiful bracelets,” I said, trying to shift the conversation.

  “My mom makes them,” she said, sliding them along her arm. “That’s what she does, she makes jewelry. She has a talent for it.”

  “Birthday and Christmas gifts?” I said, pointing at her wrist.

  She shook her head. “My mom doesn’t believe in celebrating bourgeois events like Christmas or, as she puts it, ‘the day you came out of my womb.’ She sends these to me whenever the spirit moves her. They come out of the blue, usually when I’m feeling down, like I didn’t do well on a test or something. It’s funny, but even though I hardly see her, and sometimes I don’t even know where she is, we have this psychic connection, and whenever I need a boost this little package comes from her.”

  Kitty saw some friends from UH and waved to them. Then she said, “I’ll talk to Jim, okay? Don’t say anything yet.”

  “You have until Thursday morning,” I said.

  She left me, with a wave of a bangled arm. I looked around. The park was an expanse of fading green grass with some short, twisted wiliwili trees in one corner. You could tell the impact El Nino was having here, the lack of rain drying everything up. The air smelled of sweat and motor oil, with that slight underlayer of coconut tanning oil that you find anywhere people lay out in the sun.

  The crowd was growing. I knew that Sandra and Cathy had chosen a small space to ensure that the turnout would look decent, but it was clear they had underestimated, so I went over to congratulate them, and met Charlie Stahl again. “We’re almost ready to start,” Sandra said. For a change, she wasn’t wearing a business suit-but a pair of UH sweat pants and a cowl-necked T-shirt. “You’ll come up on the stage with us, won’t you, Kimo?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t like doing that kind of thing.”

  “You’ve got to,” Cathy said. She looked so tiny, the same size as Aunt Mei-Mei, but I knew she had my godmother’s strength of personality. “You want to show the community that the police are investigating the bombing, don’t you? And you can say that anybody who has information should contact you. You know how most gay people feel about the police, Kimo. It’s important they see they have a friend in the department.”

  Here it was again, the debate I’d been having with myself off and on since coming out. I knew I needed to be a role model, that part of my job in life was to show gay and lesbian people that the police were there to protect them, too. And part of me did like the spotlight.

  But at the same time, I felt like I had a right to a personal life. I wanted to be able to go on a date with Mike and not hear whispers and see fingers pointed. I wanted to be able to interview witnesses and suspects without having someone say, “Hey, you’re the gay cop.”

  It was a balancing act, but in this case the seesaw tipped down the way Cathy and Sandra wanted it. “You sound like my boss,” I said. I knew it was what Lieutenant Sampson would want, for me to stand up there and represent the department. “All right. But I want to go on record as saying I hate it.”

  “Your objection is duly noted,” Sandra said in her lawyer voice. “All right, let’s get this show on the road.”

  From the slight elevation of the stage, I got a great view of the crowd. They were very diverse, from older men in expensive leather jeans to twenty-something party boys in tight tank tops and even tighter shorts. There was a fair sprinkling of women, too, and even a bunch of little kids playing off in one corner.

  I saw a few familiar faces. In her pressed uniform, Lidia Portuondo patrolled the area, drawing more than a few admiring glances from the women she passed. Though she normally patrolled downtown, I figured she’d picked up the extra duty for the overtime. Pua, Frankie and Lolo from the Teen Center were there, standing together in a little group, trying to look older.

  Then I saw Mike Riccardi, in jeans and a striped shirt. He was off toward the side, not mingling with anyone, and I wanted to go to him, put my arms around him, draw him into the crowd. Despite how uncomfortable I was with my recognition, what came with it was a sense of community, of belonging. These were my people, I thought, and I wanted them to be Mike’s people too. I tried to catch his attention but he seemed to be looking everywhere but at me. A cameraman from KVOL roamed the crowd, taking random shots, and I thought Mike was trying to stay behind him, out of the range of the camera.

  Sandra got up to the microphone and welcomed everybody. She started a chant. “What do we want? Equal rights. When do we want them? Now!”

  The audience chanted with her. Finally she stopped chanting and started applauding, and then the crowd quieted. “Thanks for coming out today,” she said. “And I mean that in every sense of the term. It’s important for us to be out in all our communities, not just the gay and lesbian community. We have to show our friends, neighbors, relatives, and fellow voters that we are just like them-but with a twist.”

  “Yeah, we know how to dress,” a guy called out from the audience, and everyone laughed.

  “So this rally is very important, because it shows that we’re going to keep on fighting for what we want, what we deserve,” Sandra said. “I’m pleased to announce that a generous grant from Charlie Stahl, one of Honolulu’s most prominent citizens, is going to put the Hawai’i Marriage Project back on its feet immediately.” The crowd cheered.

  Sandra looked back at Cathy, who helped Robert unfurl a big rainbow flag. “You all know those lines from The Star-Spangled Banner , don’t you?” Sandra said. Then she sang, a cappella, in a beautiful soprano I never knew lurked within her stocky body. “The bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there.”

  Her last note was shimmering on the breeze when the series of shots rang out. All was chaos on the platform as we dove for cover. Fortunately the crowd stood paralyzed. The microphone was knocked to the ground and I crawled over to it, then stood up. “Everybody stay calm,” I said. “If anybody saw where that shooting came from, please come up and see me.”

  To my right, Charlie Stahl was laying on his back, the blood spilling across his white shirt, while Sandra and Cathy crouched over him. I looked out over the crowd. The mothers had hurried over to their children, but everyone else seemed to be just looking around to see what was going on. Almost everyone, that is. There was one man running away, and I could just see his back. But I could recognize him. It was Mike Riccardi.

  I heard sirens almost immediately, and within moments I saw the flashing lights that heralded the ar
rival of the police and an ambulance for Charlie Stahl. But leaning over him as the EMTs came through the crowd, I realized they were too late. An unlucky shot had hit him in the neck, right at the aorta, and despite Sandra’s attempts to staunch the bleeding, he had bled out.

  Sandra was sobbing at the edge of the stage, with Cathy next to her, holding on. I wanted to go over to them but I knew I couldn’t. I was afraid I’d break down, too. I’d seen many homicide victims in my career, including one man I cared about, and I’d killed one man myself, but I had never stood next to an innocent man, chatting and laughing with him, only to have him die next to me moments later.

  I could feel the pressure building on me, just as it had on Sandra. We’d both narrowly escaped the bombing, and now this. How long could our luck hold out? It was a very scary thought.

  There were a half-dozen guys at the foot of the stage, too, calling for me. I got Lidia and a couple of the uniforms to help me, and we corralled them into a line, and I sat in a folding chair at ground level and pulled out a notebook. Each guy seemed to have a different piece of information. A tall man, shorter than average, heavyset, no-gym build, no-swimmer’s build, dark hair, blond, unshaven, a goatee. No one had actually seen the shot, but they’d all looked around in the vicinity where the shot had come from.

  It took about half an hour to get through them all. I took their names and phone numbers, though one guy said the only way I could contact him was through his post office box. “Sorry,” he said, holding up the hand that held his wedding ring.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “It’s cool that you were willing to come up here and talk to me.” Once the line was clear the uniforms left and the crowd started to disperse. I put my head down in my hands, trying to concentrate. Was there anything else I ought to do?